I have tried to sit down and write this post a million times, but each time it has proven to be an absolute failure, as evidenced by my lack of writing. Yea, I think we can all agree that me paying Squarespace a monthly fee only to not write was a bit on the ridiculous side.
Given that Patrick and I are going to be leaving to head over to a lovely friend’s house for dinner, I’m once again finding myself short on time. How is it the more you have to write about the less time you have? Well, I guess that’s pretty logical.
**Everyone is talking about how wonderful the weather is. Well, yes, okay… I concede that even it’s warm today, the breeze is positively divine. Plus Patrick seems to be rather smitten with the outbreak of freckles on my face, even if they’re the bane of my existence. Honestly though, I’m just counting down the days to sweaters, fall weather, pumpkin lattes, crisp cool mornings, plaid, and tweed. I don’t do summer. I don’t do warm weather. I love the coziness of fall. I love the perfection of the Christmas season. The gray days that seem to dot our 10 day forecast are days I look forward to. There’s something a bit romantic about them. Also, I’m completely over the neon maxi dresses that seem to be dominating fashion right now. Do. Not. Want.
**I feel kind of silly. About a month ago, I found this amazing desk for our apartment. As soon as I saw it, I had overly idealistic visions of me studying into the wee hours of the morning at it. Fast forward to, well, right now… I’m now at my study area of choice, and it is absolutely not the desk. I’m in our little dining area at our little two person dining table, to the left of our kitchen island (actually more of a kitchen penninsula) instead of at the desk I dreamed of. The desk even has this cute little banker’s lamp. Oops? Sorry, my little dining room table has sunshine and big windows on its side.
**My mother… I’ve hesitated in writing about her. Other than to Patrick, I’ve hesitated in talking about her as well. It has been a rough few months. In no uncertain terms, she is completely falling apart. It started a few months ago with erratic behavior on her part. Okay, erratic behavior is an understatement. There was about a month there where I would not speak to her because of the way she was acting. Sometimes I simply do not understand her. On top of that, physically she has fallen apart. She looks like she has dropped about 40 pounds since Christmas. She looks like this hollow shell of this person she used to be. She will not take care of herself. I’m torn between crying hysterically and screaming at her over everything. I feel like I’m getting this unnecessarily harsh crash course lesson in the humanity of our own parents. Then I feel worse when I think that because I’m making it all about me. Whenever I go over to her apartment in Alexandria, I see all of these pictures she has of herself, when she was younger, with me, when I was a baby. She was such a vibrant and beautiful woman. Where is that woman? All I ever remember is this woman who seemed overcome by anger and sadness, and now she’s devolved even further into a shadow. Definitely time to change the subject.
**I got a new planner for the 2009/2010 year, and I am a little too excited about it.
**I’m convinced everyone has that one show they could watch a million hours of, or at least that’s what I tell myself. For me, NCIS is that show. There’s nothing else ground-breaking I have to say about that. Just putting that out there. In the immortal words of Ron Burgundy, if you don’t like it, you can throw it on back.
**I would write some long drawn out thing about feeling conflicted about my future career, but considering it seems to be the topic du jour amongst twentysomethings, I’ll keep it to myself.