Another Chapter Closed

I really don’t know how to begin writing this because frankly my head is still spinning.  My mother… disposed of my wedding dress.

This is stemming from something that happened a month ago. She wasn’t invited to a wedding, and according to her, it was my fault she wasn’t going.  I dropped the ball.  In reality, no one from “that generation” was invited to the wedding. A multitude of other grievances were tied into that, as well.  For example, she said I never called… but I did.  Her answering machine is broken, and she knew that.  I told her repeatedly to fix it.  She said that she would get around to it. Yet it was my fault.  “You never call me.”  Okay, laundry-listing this way is tedious.  I’ll move on.

It all culminated on her birthday when we called to set up dinner for that evening and she completely blew us off and didn’t want to see me on my birthday either.  She was passive aggressive and downright nasty, as Patrick and I sat there listening. I remember getting off the phone and Patrick asking me what the hell that was. I told him I had no idea. I was in in complete shock.

Honestly, if someone were to ask me why this happened, I wouldn’t be able to give you a straight answer. I could recount the events leading up to it, but it’s so nonsensical, I can’t even wrap my brain around it.  I don’t understand how things devolved in such a way.

Anyway, Patrick called her this afternoon because he and I both agreed I could not speak to her, and I could in no way handle speaking to her. He just called me.  She wasn’t there, so he had to leave a message.  And guess what?  She called him back and proceeded to tell him:

  • He’s a moron and a retard.
  • Our wedding is a joke.
  • He has no idea who he is marrying, and one day he’s going to find out.
  • I’m a terrible person.
  • I’m crazy.
  • Our wedding is ridiculous.
  • There’s a reason why my parents hate me.
  • My wedding dress is not her problem.

Any time Patrick said anything in defense of himself or us, she cried harassment.

I know you can’t choose your family, but wow.

I don’t think I have ever been so depressed as I am right now.  I know that, no matter what, I’ll look beautiful on our day, but her malicious behavior cuts me to the core.  And once again, there’s that nagging voice in the back of my head going, “Well, maybe she’s right.”  I know intellectually that she isn’t right, but it’s horrid to hear your own mother say those kinds of things.  I am, however, thankful that I have amazing friends who have been so kind today. I love you guys so much.

Tonight, however, I’m going out to Old Town with Patrick to relax and have a drink or three.

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8 Responses to Another Chapter Closed

  1. Rachel says:

    I can’t even begin to wrap my head around this. I cannot believe she threw out your wedding dress. CANNOT BELIEVE IT!! I am horrified for you. But I also think that you are amazing and you will look fantastic on your wedding day, no thanks to her. Keep your head up!

  2. Wow. Sorry to hear that, Liz. Go have fun with your fianz tonight!!

  3. Ohmygoshi says:

    Do not, even for a second, believe that she’s right!!! I’m so sorry that she said those things about you, you deserve far better than that. You are one of the nicest people I know, with a heart of gold. Go out, have some drinks with your man, and try not to dwell on today’s events. 🙂

  4. Jennifer says:

    Meh, it’s obvious she’s insane. Her … various bodily/psychological disturbances are making her completely insane and incapable of being a human being whatsoever.. Anytime you find yourself doubting yourself because of her lack of ability to love, remember: it’s her diseases talking. THERE IS NO VALIDITY IN ANYTHING SHE DOES OR SAYS AND THERE NEVER WILL BE EVER.

    As for your wedding … you and Patrick make each other so happy. So, continue to do that! Take care of each other, love each other, be tender and sexy and dear to each other and don’t let her words doubt yourself. I’ve SEEN you guys. I’ve NEVER seen Patrick that happy in my life the way he is around you. And he’s perfect for you.

    So. Just continue to live your lives together and be the team you are.

    Fuck her and her ugliness. What the hell does she know about marriage anyway? Or parenting? Or not being miserable or making other miserable? So there.

    And as for your dress … I’m so so sorry. Maybe this is God’s way of saying there’s an even BETTER dress out there for you. I wish I could be with you guys tonight.

    Love,
    Jen

  5. Margaret says:

    I know this is easier said than done but don’t dwell on it. Don’t try to make sense of it don’t try to rationalize it don’t try to counterpoint it. This is definitely something to let just lie and move on.

    I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Try and enjoy the rest of the weekend and worry later about getting back on track with the wedding plans.

    And she’s not right.

  6. magda says:

    The only thing I want to do on reading this is to give you a really big hug. Like, a bear hug, and maybe bring some cookies by with a big sign that says, YOU ARE MARVELOUS, AND SO WELL LOVED. Please know that i think the absolute world of you, and nothing of your mother’s statements describes the you I know. Let me know if ther’s anything you need, anything at all. xox.

  7. notsojenny says:

    i don’t envy your situation.
    but it sounds like you’re handling it in the best way you can. hopefully she was just being angry and bitter and just said she threw it out… maybe it’s still in a closet somewhere.

  8. Pingback: Moving, and Puppies, and Wedding Dresses! Oh My! « I Have Two Dogs & Love Wine

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