Hey there, pal! Long time, no see! How are the wife and kids? Mhm, that’s great…
Are you going to eat that? That. Right there. Are you? Oh, sorry! Not trying to impose at all! I’m just, you know, trying to reach out to my fellow man, and all that. Some people can’t handle a whole meal on their own so I was reaching out a helping paw, so to speak. No problem.
Hey, let me help you with that pizza! No? Still working on that? Sorry, sorry. See you took a pause there, and I thought — ah, you were breathing. Gotcha. I apologize. It’s habit. You know my mom always said, “Horatio! You’re so selfless, almost to a fault.” And I think she’s right. I spend so much time thinking and worrying about other people… it can be so tiring, you know?
Of course you know, you look like a good guy with your… pepperoni… and sausage… and that… that smells like the tomato sauce has just the faintest hint of basil, and maybe… a dash of oregano? Is that oregano? Can’t be too sure about these things. It’s probably best that I taste test, just to be sure! You can never be too sure about these things, am I right? Ha. Yea.
Ah, still not done. Heh, whoops.
You know, why don’t I just sit here right by your knee, and you let me know when you’re done so I can help you out. “Waste not, want not,” is what my mom always said.
Just here for the public good.